jesse malin

i've seen jesse malin a couple of times before.

the first time i saw him was when he opened for marah for their christmas show a few years ago. at that point i was already a fan of everything of his i had heard. seeing him live just confirmed what i already thought about him. he's great.

in 2010 he put out an album with his band, the st. marks social, called love it to life. seriously, what a fantastic record.

now to completely kill the mood, in january of 2011, i found out a friend who was very important to me had passed away. he had moved back to australia the previous summer, and i didn't even find out about him dying until a week after it happened, and i couldn't get to australia for the funeral, and every time it hit me that i was never going to speak to him again, i nearly lost my mind. i don't really want to go into it too much or relive the whole thing because that is a one way trip to depression town, but at this time, i was an absolute mess and couldn't make it through a day without crying for a really, really long time.

i listen to music pretty much constantly, but when i was sad, i found i couldn't listen to most things without getting angry or feeling sick. if it was something that my friend had also liked, forget about it. but there were a handful of albums that i could listen to which had the opposite reaction: soothing, with an underlying feeling that everything was going to be ok. one of those happened to be the jesse malin record.

love it to life has this positive energy to it, but instead of annoying me (like everything else), it made me feel happy to be alive for once. in fact, i think the first show i found myself able to go to that year was jesse malin at johnny brenda's later in january. yeah; that night he left the stage, and while the band still played he got up on the bar and walked around, and then came up through the crowd, getting everyone to clap. i'm not much of a clapper. i just feel weird clapping along to things, ok? well, he came up right behind me, only i didn't see him. i just heard his voice right in my ear: "are you too cool for me?" ah, what a precious moment. but anyway: this dude is really important to me.

he played at johnhy brenda's again last night. i knew i had to go. and i told myself i had to talk to him afterwards and tell him what his music means to me. why? well, if you were an artist and something you created helped someone that much, wouldn't you want to know?

the band played one of the best sets i've ever heard, and when they opened with "burning the bowery" which is the opening track off love it to life, i thought my heart was going to explode. in a good way. he also blew through a bunch of other songs of his that i love, such as "queen of the underworld," "wendy," "mona lisa," "all the way from moscow," and he even closed the show with "death or glory," my favorite clash song. well, one of my favorites. how do you just pick one anyway?

anyway, so after the show, he came out and was talking to people and i couldn't bring myself to say anything because, hello, i'm awkward. i went over to the merch table and bought a copy of the fine art of self destruction on vinyl, and the guy said it was the last copy they had. score! then i saw jesse go into the backstage room and thought "well, you fucked up and missed your chance. good job, dummy."

some guy saw me standing there and commented on the record, so i showed it to him and we got to talking, and he asked if i had talked to jesse. i said no, i got too nervous. he said "aw, he's just a regular guy! i'm sure he would love to sign that for you!" and he went over to one of the band members and said something to him, so then he came up to me and said "he'll be back out, he just went to get the van. i'll let him know you're waiting though," and he disappeared backstage. then one of the roadies came up and introduced himself and shook my hand and said jesse would be back out. i was so happy, i felt like crying.

so jesse comes out, he sees me standing there and comes right over to say hello. he pulls a pen out to sign the record and says "what's your name?"
"it's chloe."
"is that c-l-o-e?"
"it's c-h-l-o-e. but you can spell it wrong if you want." (seriously, did you just say that? what the fuck?)
"there's an elton john song called "chloe," do you know it?"
"i don't think i do, but now i'll have to listen to it."
"you should, it's a good song." (check. it's awesome.)
then he was like "is this 180 gram? yeah it looks like it," and i'm sure i said something stupid in return. i can't remember if he said something else here or not, but then i said, "i um, i really wanted to tell you this..."
and then i paused for what felt like too long of a time, as i was trying to get my thoughts together, but i wasn't going to let myself walk away without telling him.
"my friend died a couple of years ago..."
"oh, i'm so sorry."
another lengthy pause...get your shit together, now, come on!
"it was really hard to listen to any music for a while but one of the only records i could listen to at the time was yours, love it to life. so, i just wanted you to know that, and to say thank you, because it really helped me."
"wow," he said and nodded. i was kind of embarrassed and was like, why did you have to do that? now you made everything weird and he's never going to come to philly again...
"that's one of the really great things about music, i think, is that it can be very healing." oh. wait. he was talking to me again. and he continued to say really nice things to me, so i know that he understood. it felt nice to tell one of the people responsible for my "recovery" that they had such an impact on me. how many other people out there have had similar experiences with his music? maybe he's wondering that too.

don't stop doing what you're doing, jesse. some of us are really counting on you.

ps - thanks for not remembering me as the girl you yelled at 2 years ago.

pps - the guy that i was talking to before snapped a picture of jesse signing the record for me so i thought i would include it here, because you can see that he captured a moment of absolute happiness for me. here it is:

crocodiles

the crocodiles are a band that i had only heard of recently when i got the chance to see them. summer of hate, their debut, came out in 2009; sleep forever came out in 2010.

a friend casually mentioned to me that i should check them out, because i like the jesus and mary chain. i went on ye olde youtube and started listening and was instantly won over. swirly guitars and echo-y vocals and dreamy noisy pop songs? yes please. i want all of it.

i ordered the first album for myself at the record store and then the second one after i played the shit out of the first one. summer of hate is really, really good and has this one song called "i wanna kill" which was the original song i heard that won me over. listen to it; it gives you a pretty good idea of what these guys are about and might even give you goosebumps. sleep forever is even better. i want "hearts of love" played at my funeral. 

so after completely falling in love with this band, i found out they would be touring and my boss and our friend both wanted to go, too, so we had a fun little road trip to hoboken. hooray! royal baths were the opener. i ended up really liking them as well; they were a nice fit on a bill with crocodiles and the dum dum girls. definitely worth checking out. 

we got right up front for the crocodiles set. and i was almost quite literally blown away. it was loud. but in that nice, dreamy, fuzzy way. sort of like you're floating in a cloud of noise. that might not sound as pleasant as it actually is. it's not like going to see a rock band and being blasted away by guitar solos and loud drumming. it's like a constant droning fuzz that envelopes you, but you don't want to get out of its grip. or like drowning, if drowning didn't kill you. please tell me this is making some kind of sense. that's the best way i can come up with to describe their live show. i think being as tired as i was from the lack of sleep the past few nights actually enhanced the fuzzy feeling. i look back on that show very fondly indeed.

after their set we went out to the other room to get something to eat, and my friend and i got to talking while my boss wanted to go in and see the dum dum girls. we talked so much we missed almost their entire set, but it was nice talking with her so i didn't care. we did go in and catch the last song or two, and it was really cool. 

then i went home and slept for an entire day. not really. but it was a nice thought.

since that show, they put out a third album, endless flowers, which is just as wonderful and magical as the other two, but sleep forever still gets my favorite vote. just my opinion. but you can't go wrong with any of them as far as i'm concerned.

crazy fun punk weekend of little to no sleep

i will pick up sort of where i left off...

i saw hugh cornwell at the brighton bar on a saturday night. i was able to do this because i work saturdays during the day and had enough time to drive to long branch to make it for the show. afterwards, at something like 2 or 3 in the morning, i drove back home and slept for a few hours before getting up and planning my sunday out.

you see, the damned were doing their 35 year anniversary tour, and weren't coming to philly (for shame you guys. FOR SHAME.) so i had to see them somewhere else. i decided on washington, dc for several reasons.

a) it was on a sunday and i don't work on sundays, yaaaaay

b) my friend i've known since pre-school lives there now and had been trying to get me to come visit and she is really fun and awesome and down for anything. so when i suggested seeing the damned together, she was totally willing even though she had never heard of them. i sure do love her.

c) dc is relatively easy to get to by public transportation. especially when your friend lives there and knows all the buses and things and the best way to get there.

so after a drive to the train station and the train to the bus and the bus to dc, i was finally there. i'm not sure how many hours it took but it seemed like a lot. she met me where the bus let off and went to her place, where she had dropped off some really fucking delicious vegan food she picked up earlier from some place i wish i knew the name of.

she lives within walking distance of the black cat, which is where the show was. i'm a little jealous. dc seems like a pretty cool place, but as you will see, i was not there for very long. so we walk to the black cat and pick up our tickets and head in and it is PACKED. we manage to get up to somewhere in the middle of the room. the legendary shack shakers are opening. i had heard of them before but never listened to them, at least not that i could remember. but oooh did they win me over. they were so much fun. lots of energy, fun songs, and weird stage antics. i mean, this was kind of a long time ago so my memory is a bit fuzzy but i seem to remember him shoving the microphone in his mouth. i could be wrong. anyway, it was fun.

so the damned finally come out. being their 35 year anniversary (which is, let's face it, a long ass time), they were doing damned damned damned and the black album all the way through. that seems to be a thing that bands do these days; play through full albums from start to finish at their shows. i'm not complaining, but i do find it interesting. it takes a little bit of the fun out of it, since if you know the albums, you already know the set list. they blew me away regardless. so captain sensible comes out and says something about putting us in a time machine and taking us back to 1977. it was SO COOL to see damned damned damned all the way through. SO COOL. remember when i copped out and said that whole album counted as my number five favorite damned song? well. yeah. so you can see why i was so happy.

then they left for a brief intermission, captain saying "see you in 1980!"

so then it was time for the black album. my goodness. it was intense. and fun. and everything you want in a show. for a bunch of old dudes, they really don't show their age. 

after that part ended, they leave the stage again but, of course, come back for an encore. this is the fun part, because now what are they going to play? captain says they had a discussion backstage and are letting us, the crowd, choose the encore. he also says something about doing "copious amounts of drugs" whilst backstage. then "hahaha not really! we don't do that anymore. lemmy does though, if you can believe that." teehee. anyway, people start shouting things and i can't understand anything they're saying but we get to hear "love song," which captain introduces with "if you really listen to the lyrics, it's about trains. so, just for you, here's a train song." that made me smile so much. he's truly fabulous. and then it was "smash it up," naturally. i would love to hear them do "i think i'm wonderful" live sometime, but oh well. "smash it up" is a perfect end to the night. fuck i love that song. gah. 

remember how i said the place was packed? holy shit, people, it was so awesome. if you remember from the last time i had seen them in philly, it was hardly even half way full in there. it made me really, really happy to see so many people there for them after that last time. either people are smarter in dc and know good music when it comes around, or people are just coming out to see them because you never know when it will be the last time you get to see bands like these. sad, but true. 

after the show we walk back to my friend's place, look up my public transportation home, and go to sleep around midnight, only to wake up at 4am so i can catch a bus to another bus that will take me back to philly. at this point i am completely delirious but so happy about my 2 amazing nights in a row that i don't even care. my friend and i say goodbye and off i go on the bus that takes me to the greyhound bus that will take me back to the city of brotherly love (ha). i get off the bus in philly, run over to the train station and catch a train almost immediately that gets me to work on time. amazing. and then that night, i went out with my boss and our friend to maxwell's in hoboken, nj to see the crocodiles. 

did i mention how tired i was? 

the crocodiles get their own entry. because they're that good.

so the next time the damned tour you better get your ass out and see them, for fuck's sake. what are you waiting for?

Hugh Cornwell Adventures, Part 3

ahhh, the story continues. hugh cornwell told me that he would be playing at the ramones birthday bash in may and wanted me to accompany him! fantastic news! but...the date was may 19 and i had tickets to see elvis costello, and, sorry hugh, but elvis will always be my #1. perhaps if i didn't already have the tickets in my possession i would have gone, but alas. i will write about the elvis show in another update, because hoooly shit, it was fantastic. even though i missed out on this:

richard lloyd from television came onstage and played guitar on 'get a grip' at the end
which worked a treat, sounded very velvet underground

GOD DAMN IT. oh well. um.. so. yes. basically, i check his touring schedule religiously even though he'll tell me if he's going to be in the area. but i saw that he was touring the east coast in the fall before he told me about it so i picked one of the dates in jersey, since he wasn't coming to philly. it was the one at the brighton bar in long branch. in one of his emails, he told me

look forward to hanging with you again in n jersey
I think debbie from blondie will come to the show in long branch as she lives near there
she came the last time we played there

UM WHAT. DEBBIE HARRY? that sealed the deal. no way was i going to miss this. 

so, uh, long branch is really fucking far away from where i live! ha. but the drive was definitely worth it. i got there and i was on the list (i like saying that. "i was on the list." it makes me sound cooler than i am). i texted hugh again (hehe. i like saying that too. it never gets old.) and let him know i was there. of course he didn't see it in time. i was standing inside near the back when i saw him walk in, and as soon as he saw me he came right over and gave me a hug and said into my ear "oh, it's a shame, you just missed debbie. she left about five minutes ago."

how to deflate me in five seconds: that was it.

oh well. i still have the whole night ahead of me. a debbie-less night. but still! a night.

we go out to the van, since there are opening bands playing and it's really loud inside. kind of funny though, if i was one of those opening bands, i'd be sad that he didn't stick around to watch. anyway, i brought with me the newest bunch of songs my band had recorded. it was a rough mix, but still sounded really good (to us, anyway). i suggested listening to it, and he was all too happy to put it in the van's cd player. 

now, you know you're doing something right when hugh cornwell, of the stranglers, who had ten hit albums and twenty-one top forty singles, tells you your band's songs are "ambitious" and that he really likes them. he complimented my drumming and in that moment i was so proud of myself and my bandmates. then he regaled me with stories of getting his visa and such and how it's a longer process when you have a criminal record. that's no secret, by the way, he wrote a book about the time he spent in jail called inside information, which you can find in his autobiography, a multitude of sins. and so on. then fish popped in the van and said hey. when one of the roadies came in to try and get some sleep, we decided to go back inside. i left the cd with him.

now, i get to hang out with hugh and his band in the dressing room. it was the size of a closet. i'm not kidding.  it was cramped with about six of us in there. hilarious, and just a little bit sad. when clem burke came in and graced us with his presence (and i swear i'm not being facetious when i say that because i look up to him so much, you don't even know), hugh said "this is chloe, you remember her, from phoenix?" and then i started thinking shit, i've seen them in 3 different states now, they're going to think i'm insane... and then clem smiled at me and said "of course! how ya doin', doll?" which immediately quelled my fears. nothing can make you feel bad when clem burke calls you "doll." 

the next hour or so or however long was pretty fun. fish offered me a yodel. you know, those cake things? i didn't take it, but still. the offer was there. i held the guitar tuner for hugh while he tuned his guitar up. i heard them working out the sound effects for "toiler on the sea," off of black & white (there were seagull noises being thrown in). clem sat next to me and changed his shoes and drummed on the wall and said something about bruce springsteen writing "born to run" in this town. i guess my reaction was not what he was expecting, because he looked around and then said "she's not impressed." ha. 

anyway, so then i stood there and watched the show and saw clem drop a stick (which happens to me a lot and it was comforting in a weird way to watch a role model do something stupid, just like i do) and they did one long set, instead of the 2 they had been doing. i got to hear a ton of songs i hadn't heard them do before ("school mam" "toiler" "no more heroes" etc.) and i had an amazing time.

that's pretty much it; haven't seen them play since then. but expect this story to continue because no way am i missing a show if (or rather, when; in the spring, i've been told) they come back.

Hugh Cornwell Adventures, Part 2

OH HEY maybe i should start doing one post per year as a thing, since that seems to be what i'm doing anyway. or maybe i could step up my game and actually write about stuff as it happens to me. *smrt*

so, i last wrote about mr. cornwell and how he gave me his email address so i could send him some songs of mine. i protected that piece of paper - which hugh AND clem both signed, and had his email on the back - like it was my child. now it's framed and hanging up above my couch. i smile like a dork every time i look at it, and that is not hyperbole.

i emailed him a couple of songs that i thought he might like, along with a refresher on who i was, which was kind of embarrassing: "remember me? i sat on your lap for a bit?" well, he remembered and he liked the songs. HE LIKED THE SONGS. do you know what that means to me? oh, that made me so happy. so, following that, we become pen pals. what is the email equivalent of pen pals? keyboard pals? whatever. we email each other. it's pretty cool.

next part of the story: i have a friend who lives in arizona, just outside phoenix. he's one of my best friends and he bugs me to come out and visit him a lot. i had gone the previous year for a few days and was planning on going out again that year (2011), probably in march since that's when he says the weather is the best, even though the year before it rained every day. i just happened to be looking at hugh cornwell's tour dates for that year and he was going to be in phoenix in march. it was easy enough to plan my trip around that and tell my friend "so we can do whatever you want for the rest of the days i'm here but THIS NIGHT we are going to see hugh cornwell in phoenix and you can't say no." and that's what happened.

my friend has a job as a dueling pianist (i'll wait for you to stop laughing; i laughed for about ten minutes the first time he told me that). that night, he had to work and then we went straight to the george & dragon pub for the show. normally i'm completely entertained by the dueling pianist thing but this night it couldn't be over fast enough. finally we got there, i texted hugh, yes i did, i know, how cool is that? and he said "i'm out in the bus" so i went out and found him and he gave me a hug and was like "i can't believe you're here!" me neither, sir. me neither.

anyway, the set was basically the same as the last time i saw him. they open with "nice 'n' sleazy" and do a bunch of stranglers hits mixed with his solo stuff, then rattus all the way through. it was phenomenal, even when fish (bassist extraordinaire) went into "grip" instead of "peaches." i called my sister and kept her on the phone for those 2 songs. i think she liked it, once she figured out what the hell she was hearing. too soon it was over, but i still get to hang out with old punkers!

hugh shared a bottle of champagne with me while i sat sandwiched between him and fish in a booth. i couldn't even make this stuff up. the only thing that would have made it better was if clem was sitting with us but he was chatting with fans on his own. ah well. so i got to sit there, feeling like a little punk rock princess while fans came by to talk and shake hands and etc.

i proceeded to get really drunk and got in the tour bus with them (finally was acknowledged by clem, who gave me a weird smile as if to say "i remember you from philly, what the fuck are you doing here, you crazy girl?" but maybe it was just a friendly smile) and then i got to listen to the demos of the new album (totem and taboo) and he played me some other music and whatever, and that was basically it. got a cab back to my friend's place after.

the point of this story is mostly so i don't forget everything cool that happens to me, which happens more often than you would think, but also to share how neat these guys are. not one of them treated me like i was some stupid, young girl; they treated me like i was just another person hanging out with them. that might not sound like a big deal, but if you've ever been talked down to by someone, whether it's because you're younger than they are, or because they're a MAN and you're just a girl, you know why this is so important.

anyway blah blah blah this is me being a fan girl blah blah blah that's my story. i'll post part three soon. maybe right now, after i finish writing it, since i have nothing better to do.